So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
