Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
