Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
