between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
