Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I need water and some morals
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
