Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
