I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
