Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
