i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
