Do you still have your period?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Randomize
