So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
