Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
