I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
