Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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