I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
