When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
