Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
