Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
