We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
