this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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