she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
