i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
