did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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