I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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