Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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