Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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