did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
PANTIES FOUND
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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