i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have tasted many bathrooms
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
