So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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