My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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