Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
