they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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