Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
