Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
nutella sex= disaster
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
