You're completely useless in the revolution.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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