did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
