I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
