he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
