His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
