This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
