I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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