So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
