The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
