ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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