all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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