just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
