I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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