paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
