She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
