He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
