Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
