Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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