Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
